Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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