I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
