there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
