Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
