I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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