I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
