when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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