so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
