there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
