god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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