You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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