How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
