go do what you do best...puke behind churches
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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