RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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