i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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