you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
