i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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