I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
