I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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