I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
