I wish my penis had an off switch
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
