The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
