so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
