We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
