I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
