When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
