apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
