i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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