I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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