Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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