There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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