I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
