Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
