that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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