On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
