Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
