god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
