he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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