Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
