I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry about my life...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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