let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
