Will you blow on my dice?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
