so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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