You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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