I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
