I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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