I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
