she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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