During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
