I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
