it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
