The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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