A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
