can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
