operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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