as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
