he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
