We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
