I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
