that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I only lived at night.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
