I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
