I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
