remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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