Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
