thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
