Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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