i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
