my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.