Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
