Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
