sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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