omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Life is so much better after having sex.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
