I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
