the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
