In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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