i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
