i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
