Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
