I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
