Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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