i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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