your parents love me but you hate me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
