Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
